Leader Angry About Not Getting a Luxury Watch

 

Leaders are not immune to troubling emotions and framing their judgment of situations and people in a way that is problematic, leading to unsound decision-making and embarrassing communication errors.

When anger results in venting, selfishness and shaming to complain and motivate, risks are willingly being assumed for the leader’s well-being and the organization.

Set aside the religious context of the following story to concentrate on the thinking and behavior described because this type of attitude can also happen and does happen in organizations that are not religious.

A pastor in Missouri — Carlton Funderburke — was outraged at the people in his church because they didn’t purchase him an expensive watch. You read that accurately.

In a video made public, Funderburke, leader of the Church of the Well in Kansas City, told his parishioners that they were “poor, broke, busted, and disgusted.”

He was reacting to his disappointment and hurt over badly wanting a Movado watch, priced reportedly between $400 to $3,300, an ‘ask’ that he had expressed to his church months prior.

“I'm not worth your McDonald's money? I'm not worth your Red Lobster money? I ain't worth your St John Knits – y'all can't afford it no how," he said this month. “I ain't worth your Louis Vuitton? I ain't worth your Prada? I'm not worth your Gucci?”

Funkderburke wasn’t done yet.

“And here it is all the way in August and I still ain't got it,” he said. “Let me kick down the door and talk to my cheap sons and daughters.”

He has since apologized. How well will be discussed in a moment. Yet the damage was done.

There are leadership thinking and communication behavior lessons that can be learned from this story. Rob Volpe converses about them in this Communication Intelligence feature.

Volpe is the CEO and Empathy Activist at Ignite 360, an insights, strategy and training firm that specializes in helping clients build empathetic connections with consumers. He is the author of “Tell Me More About That: Solving the Empathy Crisis One Conversation at a Time.”

Funderburke is hurt and resentful and some might reasonably argue, exhibiting an entitlement mindset. He’s displaying anger at the people he’s been entrusted to care for and lead, for not doing what he believes he clearly communicated and what he believes is a reasonable request — the expensive watch, a luxury item.

This type of thinking and communication behavior, from any leader who is expected to be ethical and responsible is dangerous.

Rob Volpe, CEO of Ignite 360

“He's telling his audience that he's not fit to lead them and that they should replace him quickly and audit their books to make sure he hasn't been embezzling,” Volpe asserts.

He points out that this particular leader showed little self control of thought, impulse control or responsibility for his career mission.

“There is so much that is wrong with this narcissistic outburst,” Volpe says. “There is a sacred, symbiotic trust between leaders and followers, regardless of whether it's in a religious context or not. Followers are placing their faith in the leader to do the right thing and lead them on the vision that has been presented before them.

“In return, leaders expect the followers to contribute to the cause, through paid work, volunteering or donations to help the group achieve the vision. Leaders that seek to self-aggrandize and self-enrich are not leading others, they are serving themselves. That's not leadership.”

Funderburke’s critical language and approach, the use of shaming to communicate a message to act as a catalyst for a desired emotional, psychological and behavior response, doesn’t sit well with Volpe.

“The use of shaming language here is, well, shameful. It betrays the trust the followers place in the leader,” he says. “I know some leaders think public shaming to help drive results is acceptable but it's 2022 and people are looking for empathic communication rather than shaming.”

How people look at leadership, develop beliefs and communicate and otherwise act is a culmination of different factors and relationships are not made better when anyone becomes triggered in disappointment and unmet expectations and lashes out selfishly.

“Every leader is a product of the role models, education, experiences and previous leaders that they've experienced,” Volpe explains. “For some, this might be the behavior that's been modeled for them so they believe this to be the right way.”

Many people view themselves as leaders and have that responsibility. It doesn’t mean all of them have sufficiently developed themselves personally and professionally to do it well and effectively.

“While we've glorified leaders in society, not everyone has the skills or traits to be a leader,” Volpe says. “That isn't everyone's natural skill set or gift, and a good thing it isn't as that would create problems.

“But we put people into leadership roles who aren't ready, need training or shouldn't be there, often because a company has a gap or needs to promote the individual to retain them. Without the training and skill building, it's a crap shoot how well people are going to perform.”

Learning to prevent or improve from the type of behavior that Funderburke showed to people he serves requires looking inside first.

“For a leader that has the self-awareness that this isn't appropriate behavior, that's the first step to making better decisions. Utilizing empathy to see the perspective of the people you are leading and how a message will be received is a good practice,” Volpe says.

“Use solution imagination to put yourself in their shoes. What message would you want to hear and how would you want it delivered? It takes a lot of work but over time, we can do better if we have the courage to try.”

Volpe does point out that maybe not every follower of this leader interpreted his message similarly.

“We also can't assume that every member of the audience took this the same way we did,” Volpe says. “What if the shaming worked and some people increased their donation to get the man his Movado? Clearly some disagreed as the video went viral but there is a betrayal of trust through this narcissistic approach of making the other person feel bad or at fault while you look blameless.”

Even if Funderburke achieved his goal of gaining a materialistic ‘want’ for his personal use, Volpe cautions it is not a reliable tactic.

“The power of the narcissist can fool people for a time but ultimately it gets out of hand and then there is a reckoning, which it sounds like this man is facing now,” he says.

Funderburke did issue an apology, whether intrinsically or extrinsically motivated.

“No context could erase the words I used. I apologize to all the people that have been hurt or angered or anyway damaged by my words," he began.

“For those who know and love me, thank you for your support. For those who now know me because of this video clip, I regret that your first impression of me is one of anger, hate, and resentment.”

It was also reported that Funderburke added that the video circulating online, “does not reflect my heart of my sentiments toward God's people, yet; that's not discernible in that clip.”

Funderburke knew for his own good that he had to say something, had to at least feign apology if not give an authentic, meaningful one. Volpe doesn’t believe it landed well.

“It's important to apologize but he's missing the magic words ‘I'm sorry.’ Language like ‘apologize’ and ‘regret’ don't hold nearly the impact of ‘I'm sorry.’ That's a true apology. He also isn't even acknowledging that what he said was wrong. Only that that he might have hurt some people and his potential for new followers in the pews or on social media are being diminished because of this first impression,” he says.

The apology is also missing other elements, Volpe states, “… there is no indication of any corrective action being taken. Is he stepping down? Going to counseling? Donating a Movado watch to a charity auction?”

What would have been better in this situation would have been a better understanding of what is expected and communicating what was next.

“Say you are sorry, state again what you did, state what you've learned from it or the corrective action you are taking, and ask for forgiveness,” Volpe suggests.

 
Michael Toebe

Founder, writer, editor and publisher

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