Two Roots of Insincerity
Haley Slade, CEO and founder at Slade Copy House
Insincerity smells bad. That’s well known. Yet it is still a common practice despite not being a reliable trust builder. People on the receiving end don’t often end up feeling as good about an interaction as the person communicating hopes they will.
“Insincerity is rooted in two major things,” says psychology-educated Haley Slade, CEO and founder of Slade Copy House, a digital copywriting agency. “The first is seeking acceptance and the second is manipulation and seeking to get what you want.”
The psychological drivers of the behavior can be understandable at times.
“People often interact insincerely when they fear rejection or are desperate to be accepted by the people they are around,” Slade says. “Like a chameleon, people will adapt to whatever they think the other person will like the best — and then the show is on.”
That driver of the behavior is not the worst kind.
“This form of insincerity isn't done with bad intent but is often rooted in anxiety and fear. For these people, it is often easy to see through it because they are insecure,” Slade says.
It’s a point on which Andrew Meyer, CEO at Arbor, a digital energy advisor, happens to agree.
“Sometimes people are insincere because they’re insecure. They don’t have the confidence to simply be themselves or ask for what they want,” he says. “They (can) lean on excessive kindness to mask their true feelings.”
That’s why, Meyer asserts, it’s important to not jump to conclusions. Instead, it’s helpful to think beyond the initial impression one might have about possible negative intent of someone.
Andrew Meyer, CEO at Arbor
“I would give people the benefit of the doubt if you detect insincerity,” he suggests. “It’s not always narcissists or controlling personalities who are insincere. Sometimes it’s people who are scared of being vulnerable.”
At the same time, Slade says, there is always the other type of motivation that is possibly lurking, depending on the person and the scenario.
“There are people who are insincere because they are seeking an end goal and they will do anything to get it,” she says. “They use insincerity to manipulate, deceive and ultimately get what they want at any cost.”
Such individuals she claims are the most prevalent practitioners of the behavior and the most difficult to identify.
Judging people as insincere should come with the realization, Slade says, that we have all likely been offenders at times.
“We all have been insincere at some point in our lives but it never produces the results we desire in the way we desire it. It's simply not worth it. Authenticity will get your farther no matter what kind of authentic self you're being.”
