‘It’s Always Better to Use Your Brain’

Esteban Moctezuma

Emotions and weakened impulse control can lead us to communicating in a foolish manner. When that happens we’re not going to like how we’re experienced, perceived and judged. The blowback to our behavior might shock and traumatize us.

Maybe we later apologize, impressively or with additional poor behavior.

There are times however, where people gather themselves and choose to respond more intelligently in the storm of being shocked and offended.

Ambassador Esteban Moctezuma is one example of how it can be done.

The quick backstory — a single paragraph — is helpful to know.

Sen. John Kennedy, R-La., “… questioned Drug Enforcement Administration Administrator Anne Milgram at a hearing, asking about fentanyl moved into the United States from Mexico. The lawmaker spoke about the size of the countries’ economies and the U.S. buying goods from Mexico,” reported Marina Pitofsky at USA Today.

Kennedy allowed his emotions to rule his decision making and tongue.

“Without the people of America, Mexico, figuratively speaking, would be eating cat food out of a can and living in a tent behind an Outback,” he said.

Yes, he said, “figuratively speaking.” Did that somehow make what he said less unprofessional and offensive? Yes, that’s a rhetorical question.

Only Kennedy thought communicating what he did was a good idea.

Milligan could have been bothered by Kennedy’s comments and you know Mexico didn’t like them. It understandably was hurt, confused and appalled.

“The Embassy of Mexico in the U.S. shared a two-page letter that Ambassador Moctezuma wrote to Kennedy,” Pitofsky wrote. It might, to some degree at least, surprise you that Moctezuma didn’t respond with a similar gross, mocking punch to the face of Kennedy’s country.

“As I was listening, my initial reaction was to answer you in the same low, uninformed, and arrogant tone as the one you used. But it is always better to use your brain instead of your guts, so I recalled the vibrant relationship that exists between Mexico and the United States,” the ambassador wrote. Of course,

While Moctezuma could have shined brighter and shown greater strength by choosing not to shame Kennedy by not communicating, “… my initial reaction was to answer you in the same low, uninformed, and arrogant tone as the one you used,” what he said next was a show of more reasonable thinking and communication that can act as a guide. Let’s review it again:

“But it is always better to use your brain instead of your guts, so I recalled the vibrant relationship that exists between Mexico and the United States,” Monteczuma wrote.

He’s absolutely correct. Compose oneself, no matter how difficult and unwanted it feels. Say no to “excuses” and what the other person “deserves.” Step away if necessary. Cool the brain and the intense emotions. No, it’s not easy and it can be highly undesirable yet it is more intelligent and much safer, for the moment and long term.

Plenty of people have emotionally reacted in an ugly fashion and later regretted it because how they acted was truly not how they are as a person — but definitely were in the moment — or they immediately or eventually suffered consequences or punishment for what they communicated.

Back to the response to Kennedy:

“I thought of the 33 million American tourists who, last year, visited Mexico eager to learn about our culture; the 800 billion dollars of trade between our two countries came to mind; and of course, the delicious Mexican food that most Americans consume in thousands of crowded restaurants,” Monteczuma wrote.

Here he takes the high road, politely using facts as evidence to disprove Kennedy’s ugly assertions. That is a more skilled, helpful approach and one that is more likely to gain public support than returning false stereotypes and insults for insults.

And who looked better in observer’s eyes: Kennedy or Monteczuma? Again, yes, a rhetorical question.

The ambassador added, Pitofsky reported, that he doesn’t “think the people of Louisiana feel represented by the vulgar and racist words you use.”

As the kids like to say, “I’m detecting no lies.” Finally, let’s look at what Monteczuma points out that is an important and valuable message to remember when it comes to anger, disputes, conflict and crisis.

“Mr. Senator, it is not through offenses and threats that constructive collaboration between allied nations such as the US and Mexico can be achieved.”

Notice, he addressed him as Mr. Senator instead of flexing to punch him when he’s down. Notice he spoke of the better choice of constructive collaboration and that the two countries are allies. He spoke of achievement.

That’s respectable, high-level leadership communication.

Michael Toebe is the founder and publisher at Communication Intelligence. He has written for newspapers, magazines and newsletters and also is a reputation specialist at Reputation Quality.

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