A Better Way Than Anger for Desirable Outcomes
Angry behavior is regularly utilized by some professionals in an attempt to drive compliance in business and the workplace. Diving deeper, there is more to understand when this is taking place within an interaction.
“Anger and intimidation often stem from insecurity or fear,” says Bayu Prihandito, a founder and CEO at Life Architekture. “When individuals are afraid they may not meet their targets or feel threatened by others’ skills, they may come to aggressive behavior to obtain control over the situation. It’s a defensive mechanism that gives a temporary illusion of power and influence.”
A bigger problem than the behavior is when it works and is left uncorrected it becomes habitual.
“When anger and intimidation are rewarded or reinforced at work, they are likely to happen more often,” says Dr. Avigail (Abby) Lev, psychotherapist, mediator, executive coach and the director of the Bay Area CBT Center, a clinic that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. “But if the organization has a culture where there are consequences for such behaviors, like ignoring them or calling them out, then those behaviors are likely to decrease or even disappear.”
Bayu Prihandito
There is a more respectable approach that can work well, if not better to prevent the problems that often accompany anger as a strategy.
“Emotional intelligence can replace intimidation as a means of influence,” Prihandito says. “It involves understanding one’s emotions and those of others and using that knowledge to build bridges rather than walls. It encourages open communication, empathy and mutual respect, which supports a healthier and more friendly environment.”
Replacing the destructive habit of anger to gain outcomes can be accomplished.
“Mindfulness can be an effective tool for breaking these patterns,” Prihandito says. “By becoming aware of our emotions as they arise, we can choose how to react rather than falling into established patterns of anger and intimidation. Training in emotional intelligence can help develop these skills, while consistent practice helps to reinforce respectful and socially acceptable behaviors.”
Dr. Avigail (Abby) Lev
Assertively addressing it can additionally prove helpful.
“Calling out intimidation and anger in a firm but respectful manner can help create accountability and send a clear message that such behaviors are not acceptable,” Lev says. “This can involve calmly and assertively expressing one’s concerns, setting boundaries or directly confronting the person engaging in these behaviors.”
She describes how this can be communicated.
“It may involve phrases like, ‘I find your tone — or language — unacceptable and counterproductive. Let's approach this conversation in a more respectful and constructive manner.’ Calling out the behavior directly is effective because when people consistently challenge and address instances of anger and intimidation, they send a clear message that such behavior is not okay,” Lev says.
Doing this, she says, sends a message.
“By firmly but respectfully confronting those who engage in these behaviors, it holds them accountable and makes them think about their actions,” Lev says. “When consequences are in place for anger and intimidation, it creates an environment where people are responsible for their behavior. This can lead to a change in behavior over time, as people realize that these actions are not helpful or acceptable in the workplace.”
A certain method can accomplish more with less offensiveness and risk.
“A more respectful and effective way to behave is to adopt an assertive approach rather than an aggressive one,” Lev says. Being assertive involves using nonviolent communication techniques to clearly express one’s underlying needs and make specific requests to meet those needs.
“This approach emphasizes firmness, clarity, and respect for others’ perspectives, fostering open dialogue and collaboration.”
The actions improve a professional culture where anger has ruled.
“By promoting assertiveness and nonviolent communication, organizations can create an environment where individuals feel empowered to express their needs and concerns without resorting to anger or intimidation,” Lev states. “Additionally, providing training and education on effective communication and conflict resolution can help individuals develop the necessary skills to engage in constructive and respectful business interactions.”
Aggression is not the sign of strength that it seems. It is a more a show of weakness. There is a behavior that is honorable, smarter and powerful.
“Assertiveness is a strength and a more effective way to communicate and handle conflicts,” Lev says. “It involves expressing oneself confidently, standing up for one's rights, and respecting the rights of others.”
She shares examples of assertiveness:
Setting boundaries: Clearly communicate what is acceptable and what is not in terms of behavior or treatment from others. For instance, saying, “I expect to be spoken to with respect and professionalism."
Expressing needs and concerns: Clearly and directly communicate one’s needs, concerns or opinions without resorting to anger or intimidation. For example, stating, “I have some concerns about the current approach and would like to discuss alternative options.”
Active listening and constructive feedback: Listen attentively to others, acknowledge their perspectives and provide feedback in a respectful manner. This can involve phrases like, “I understand your viewpoint, but I have a different perspective that I would like to share.”
Negotiating win-win solutions: Collaborate with others to find mutually beneficial solutions that address everyone’s needs. This can involve seeking compromise or finding creative alternatives that meet the interests of all parties involved.
“By establishing clear expectations, providing training on effective communication and conflict resolution and offering support to those who experience or witness such behaviors,” Lev says, “organizations can create a healthier and more respectful work environment.”
