Women Being Labeled ‘Victims’ or ‘Villains’

Ellen Pompeo

“There’s two roles women fit into, victim or villain,” says Actress, Ellen Pompeo. “And the women who are victims are only victims because they don't have the guts to be the villain.”

Bold. Controversial for some people. The expression comes across as an absolute, yet how accurate — if accurate — is up for discussion.

The context of Pompeo’s communication is important and can be seen in an E News article, where she talks about women standing up against wrongdoing.

“I think it captures a certain truth about societal expectations and perceptions,” says Alexandra Kharazi, MD and a cardiothoracic surgeon.

An executive agrees with Pompeo’s conclusion.

“I feel I have to play the villain when I negotiate deals. Women are under estimated all the time,” says Kathy Doyle Thomas, president of the Half Price Books chain. “Women really do have to come into a room and make it known we are in charge and have decision-making authority. When people understand your authority — or lack of it — they just treat you differently.”

She’s not alone in her experiences.

“I encounter similar challenges in life repeatedly and it sometimes feels like we are going in circles from ‘villain’ to ‘victim’ and vice versa,” Kharazi has come to learn, adding that, “Overcoming adversity is generally seen as an act of strength and courage. However, the reaction it elicits can vary greatly depending on the audience and their inherent biases.”

Alexandra Kharazi

“I am being paid to be a villain not a victim,” Doyle Thomas says, “But if I overstep and come on too strong and upset the wrong person, then I am supposed to back down and that is when I see myself turning into a victim.”

There is benefit in summoning courage to regularly step into assertiveness.

“Each time we face them, we do so from a slightly higher or more advanced perspective, ascending or descending the staircase,” Kharazi says. “We're gaining more knowledge, experience and insight with each turn or cycle, thus moving upwards in our personal growth, much like climbing a spiral staircase.

“We can show the best version of ourselves and instead of retreating to the victim role, it can often make us 'villains in the eyes of those who cannot do so. Nevertheless, we must focus on our own journey of learning and growth, despite the opinions that wish us to remain stagnant."

Kathy Doyle Thomas

Compassion would be welcomed and helpful.

“Sometimes we are just tired and need a day off. Being strong and righteous all the time is exhausting. I think we should cut each other some slack,” says Doyle Thomas.

“Life and people are messy and not perfect. Women don’t want to be victims, some just don’t know how to become ‘villains.’”