Changing the Habit of ‘Punching People in the Face’ When Hearing Criticism

Senator Ted Cruz

People react differently to criticism in the workplace. While no one enjoys criticism, many endure it or respond assertively. Some however react in a punitive manner.

That’s exactly what U.S. Sen. (R-TX) Ted Cruz was talking about recently when he repeated a question posed to him about his observations and conclusions within the Republican part, and then answered that question.

“Why are people reluctant on the Republican side to criticize Donald Trump? It's a number of things," Cruz said. "Unlike many people in politics, if someone criticizes him, he turns around and punches them in the face.”

Powerful, descriptive language: “Punches them in the face.”

Cruz continued that in meetings “different Republican senators would criticize,” Trump, who snapped and decided to, “spend the whole meeting just slamming them with a stick.”

This behavior trait happens inside and outside of politics. It takes place in business and the workplace. People stand up to what they believe isn’t right and they summarily feel brutalized by aggressive, demeaning and ugly communication.

This article looks at this particular story yet also the general nature of the behavior with insights about overcoming the habit.

Rhonda Y. Williams is an executive coach and founder of Leadership Above the Grind Mentoring and Coaching Academy, and she analyzes Cruz’s conclusions about Trump and the touchpoints to consider.

“Ted Cruz's comments are interesting from a couple of different perspectives,” she says. “He openly expresses the fear and self-preservation that many Republicans are experiencing.

“It is uncommon to hear Republicans speak about the threat they face when challenging Donald Trump. Cruz’s willingness to speak about this openly indicates that he feels politically safe, but only to an extent.

“In these types of situations, there are always multiple angles in play,” she continues. “In my observation, seasoned Republican politicians are often very calculated in their responses, particularly regarding Donald Trump.

“It may be that while there is some risk, there is a calculated benefit for creating a slight separation and giving the appearance that he is strong enough to stand up to him.

“Everything we have heard indicates a fracture within the Republican party, and Ted Cruz has likely determined which side he believes will come out on top or, at a minimum, the angle he believes will benefit him the most at this moment.”

So while Cruz meant what he said, he is speaking with an objective in mind and with sufficient confidence regarding his political future. He is also speaking, Williams states, from a place of psychological safety.

“Additionally, Cruz seems to be safe politically safe, given his district and strong Republican support. His current term does not end until 2025,” she says, adding, “Publicly acknowledging Trump’s communication and aggressive behavior may not be as risky as someone up for re-election in the near term. He may be banking on short-term memories and long election cycles.”

Rhonda Y. Williams is an executive coach and the founder of Leadership Above the Grind Mentoring and Coaching Academy

When retaliatory actions become the norm for others expressing discontent or criticism, people come to learn to adjust to protect themselves, playing into the hands of hostile communicators with punitive habits.

“One final thought here is although Cruz seemed to place himself in the line of fire, he also revealed his strategy for handling Donald Trump,” Williams says. “He chooses not to comment when Trump says something aggressive or inappropriate and praises him when he gets something right. One could argue this is simply a form of self-preservation.”

In similar professional environments what is transpiring is not a secret. It’s common knowledge.

“Likely, Ted Cruz verbalized publicly what most Republicans have expressed privately for many years,” Williams says. “A handful of congressional leaders have chosen to speak up, so this is not entirely without precedent.

“With that said, Cruz’s comments could create the space for those desperately seeking a pathway to separate themselves without angering Republican voters.”

As in any organization of people, there are people who see risks exceeding any possible benefit, thus keeping them quiet, and relatively safe.

“With distinct differences and voter expectations, Republican congressmen and congresswomen are likely to stay silent if they believe speaking out would threaten their political careers. Self-protection is still a core value of many politicians,” Williams says. “Many will be quite comfortable walking the line by privately voicing their disagreement while publicly staying silent.”

Digging deeper with the communication behavior of Trump, Williams says there is clarity about the thinking that drives his approach, “it indicates a command-and-control mindset that many corporate leaders today find ineffective and offensive. However, in the political space, he has found value in taking complete control, even to the point of berating others.”

This has become a hard-wired default communication.

“This style developed over many years and his communication behavior seems to escalate without boundaries that create responsibility and accountability,” she stresses.

What it does do is effective for intended self-interest purposes.

“His communication style does not influence and inspire but instead is designed to galvanize allegiance,” Williams states. “He views himself as the leader of the Republican party and in that regard behaves as if his agenda and perspective are the most important and he expects others to fall in line.”

There could be a misconception about the reasons for the figurative punching dissenting people in the face.

“Oddly, one viewing his behavior from a distance might conclude that his communication signals insecurity and weakness, as opposed to the strength I believe he desires to project,” Williams states, advising that “The way we communicate is an expression of our emotional intelligence and how we value others.”

She elaborates her point.

“The most effective leaders leverage kindness, grace, and humility to inspire others to support a vision bigger than themselves.”

To the contrary, “Donald Trump's communication sends the message that he expects and demands support.”

Communication assault behavior can be overcome, Williams explains.

“The starting point begins with a desire to either do something different or a desire to get different results. This desire creates the internal space and grace to acknowledge our shortcomings while providing the inspiration to do the hard work,” she says.

Williams details how this can be achieved.

“It requires us to understand our triggers, be honest about the subsequent behavior and impact on others and recognize the reward we receive, either immediately or latently,” she begins.

“Habits continue because we gain something from engaging in the behaviors. For instance, I tend to eat more of the wrong foods when I get stressed. At that moment, I gain immediate pleasure as endorphins kick in.

“The Habit Loop was described and popularized by Charles Duhigg in (the book) The Power of Habit.’ It is fascinating to understand the role habits play in our lives,” Williams says. “Regarding Trump’s communication, it would be important to understand the reward he receives at the end of his communication habit loop.

“Does punching back trigger endorphins because he feels he is standing up for himself, or because he refuses to take nonsense from anyone?”

Replacing old, destructive — and self-destructive habits — can be a challenging task for a person’s emotions, psychology and default reactions.

“For Trump, like all of us, changing habits would involve working at each step of the habit loop to replace aggressive, demeaning communication with a more humanized approach to interacting and communicating,” Williams says.

“We see this in our work with leaders who create toxic environments with their behavior and communication without realizing it.”

Habits that are harmful to others and self-limiting escalate risk all around us are not unchangeable.

“Habits are simply behaviors that we have allowed over and over, and they have become reflexive. My firm belief is in the absence of clinical and mental health conditions, anyone can replace poor habits with better ones,” Williams says.

“Will it be easy? No,” she says, explaining the ‘why.’

“Habits are deeply rooted in the subconscious.”