‘I Agree With the Idea, But Disagree With the Tone’

“I agree with the idea but disagree with the tone.”

“Many ideas get dismissed because they are delivered in a cocky, hostile or dismissive tone, or because of who delivers them.”

This blind spot is troublesome and is interpreted as a communication behavior weakness by some professionals. Others disagree.

“The most important communication skill is using a polite tone in authentic messaging,” says Shane Hurley, the founder and CEO of RedFynn Technologies, a merchant services company. “Your tone of voice is part of your image.”

Shane Hurley

The wrong one can damage the presentation of an idea and how people view the person communicating — and others associated with them.

“You don’t want to convey ego. You don’t want to sound pushy,” Hurley says. “Like the saying, ‘You attract more bees with honey.’ That's true and necessary when promoting an idea, building a business or seeking positive interactions.”

The opposite is also true.

“An unpleasant tone can stop someone from listening to you,” he adds. “Sometimes, a harsh tone can tarnish a hard-won reputation.”

Maher Elusini

For Maher Elusini, a speaker, author and the trainer of the Million Dollar Speaker Masterclass Series, there is more complexity than it being a black-and-white, either-or issue.

“Tone carries significant emotional influence, directly impacting a message’s effectiveness,” he says, adding that, “I assert that a thoughtful and fitting tone is indispensable for nurturing understanding and connection.”

He elaborates that, “it’s a matter of reinforcing the importance of preserving a tone that conveys your message positively, without introducing hostility, while still maintaining the message’s intent.”

Chris Blondell

For Chris Blondell, a PR placement coordinator at Majux, an SEO, data and advertising agency, verbally communicating “I agree with the idea but disagree with the tone,” is a bad move.

“I can’t imagine saying that aloud would do anything constructive,” he says. “There will always be people with a bad tone or a tone you don’t like and you have to be able to handle it,” he says.

The reality is that it is part of adulthood and professional interactions.

“Clients will be rude, coworkers will be snitty and you will have to work with them,” Blondell states.

In his opinion, complaining is dangerous behavior. “Commenting on someone’s tone has a high risk of sounding condescending,” Blondell warns. “I'm of the opinion that for something as small as a bad tone you bite your tongue and keep smiling,” he advises. “If it escalates, you should be able to have the self-respect and respect for the other person to discuss it constructively and find a resolution.”

Regulating tone is important, Hurley declares and while it can be difficult to manage it well, it is necessary. “Your tone ‘attracts’ (attentive listening and positive reception) while your well-chosen words convey information that resonates with your listener,” he says.

“This communication style takes discipline and self-control,” he points out. “You think before you speak and don’t get triggered if someone lashes out. A respectful tone sets everyone at ease and when your words ring true, it builds trust and opens people’s minds to what you are saying.”