Is a Police Apology Enough When the Harm is Great

An apology can be given as an obligation or it can be sincere. In either case, the question is this: when the offense is significant, is an apology alone sufficient response to an injured, traumatized person or people?

Thomas L. Gallivan, a personal injury attorney at the Law Offices of Thomas L. Gallivan and Tara Fishler, a conflict resolution professional and founder at Customized Training Solutions, talk about it today in Communication Intelligence.

Let’s look at a recent story as an example. In short, police stopped a family from Arkansas after running their car plates incorrectly as being from Arizona. This led to police believing the car was stolen, prompting the officers to implement a “high-risk stop” of the family.

“Police closed the southbound lanes of the tollway and conducted the high-risk stop, which the department said is ‘standard procedure for stolen vehicles,’” reported Rebekah Riess of CNN. “Body camera video from two officers, released by the department, shows the mother who was driving and her 6th grade son, who was in the back seat, being ordered out of the vehicle.

“Slowly exit the vehicle. Face away from us. (…) Turn around. Do not face us,” says one officer who has his gun drawn toward the car. “Everybody in the car – hands outside the window. (…) Driver, slowly lift up your shirt, only for us to see your waistband. Slowly spin around.

“If you reach in that car, you may get shot so be careful. Do not reach in the car,” the officer shouts once they have been told, by the driver, that her licensed handgun is locked in the glove compartment.”

Again, the officers did not know at the time, as is their duty, that they were operating on false information based on false input of the wrong state.

“We made a mistake,” Frisco Police Chief David Shilson said in a statment. “Our department will not hide from its mistakes. Instead, we will learn from them. The officer involved quickly accepted responsibility for what happened, which speaks to integrity. I’ve spoken with the family. I empathize with them and completely understand why they’re upset.”

The family’s son began crying about the trauma, Riess wrote. Then the father too.

“‘We’re so sorry that happened like this. We had no intent on doing this, you know?” another officer tells the family. “We’re humans as well and we make mistakes. I’m not justifying anything, I’m just saying, like, it wasn’t a computer that ran it. It was our human error that did this. So please forgive us.”

The mother explained her experience.

“I'm just trying to navigate to the gym and get us there," she said in a video. “I noticed the police is still trailing me.” She said when the police turned on their lights and sirens, she pulled over, retrieved her driver’s license and concealed carry license.

She saw her son handcuffed and put in the police car, wrote Renee Yan at the Houston Chronicle.

Reportedly, according to Zaeem Shaikh with The Dallas Morning News, 16 minutes passed before officers realized they had mistakenly entered the wrong state into their system.

She has communicated that her and her family have been mentally and emotionally traumatized by the encounter.

“We were completely humiliated and threatened to be shot without a given reason. The experience in itself was beyond frightening but seeing this video of my innocent baby has hurt me to my core. I am beyond grateful for God’s grace that kept us safe," she wrote in the captions of another video, Yan reported.

This begs a question. From what has been reported, was the communicated regret sufficient for emotional, psychological healing and if so, how so and if not, why not?

“As you are probably aware, adults and children of color have significantly disproportionate rates of discipline in schools and incarceration,” Fishler says of the known statistics. “They also have greatly disproportionate rates of being shot and killed by police, which further intensifies the trauma of being stopped in the first place.”

There is additionally the power dynamic in place in this experience and that is important to remember, Fishler says.

“While the officers did make the unusual step of admitting their error and apologizing, they were still in a position of power while being on the scene,” she points out, adding, “Trauma is processed in stages, so the full impact of what occurred was likely experienced in waves, as each person discussed and processed what occurred.”

She offers a recommendation for what could assist in addressing the pain and conflict.

“One thing that would be beneficial would be to hold a restorative circle, with an experienced restorative circle-keeper, for everyone to process what occurred,” Fishler says, going on to explain.

“In restorative circles, each person is prepared in advance of coming together and can bring others who are supportive.  The circle-keeper passes a talking piece so that each person has an uninterrupted opportunity to talk about what occurred, how they felt, other people impacted and what they need and can do to provide healing and restoration for the situation.”

The work and interaction has a chance, she says, of becoming mutually beneficial.  “This process can provide healing, not only for the family members, but also for the officers involved.”

From a legal perspective, Gallivan speaks about his professional experiences and counsel.

“Acknowledging the mistake and offering an apology is an important step in conflict resolution and reconciliation. It shows accountability and an understanding of the harm caused to the individuals involved,” says Gallivan.

“Expressing regret can be meaningful for emotional and psychological healing, as it validates the trauma experienced by the affected parties and demonstrates a willingness to take responsibility for the actions of law enforcement.”

It’s complicated though, he says, as to whether the communicated police admission of error and apology is enough.

“… emotional and psychological healing depends on various factors, including the experiences and perspectives of the individuals affected.

“Traumatic incidents involving guns can have a significant impact on mental and emotional well-being and one apology may not fully address the depth of the trauma experienced.”

More then will have to be done.

“To foster healing and reconciliation it would be essential for the Frisco Police Department to take further steps beyond a simple apology,” Gallivan says. “Providing access to counseling or therapy for the woman, her family and particularly her 13-year-old son, who was handcuffed during the incident, could be beneficial.

“Additionally, implementing policy changes, improving training and increasing awareness of biases within the police department can help prevent similar incidents in the future and rebuild trust between law enforcement and the community.”

Going back to the restorative circle as a partial remedy for this offense against the family, Fishler says it “can be far more healing than a simple apology because it equalizes power imbalances and creates room for understanding, empathy and forgiveness, which help people heal from traumatic events.”

It’s critical to realize, she contends that “The apology that the officers gave may have been genuine, but it was given before the family and officers had the opportunity to fully process what had occurred.”

She explains how the process works.

“Properly done, a restorative circle-keeper would privately speak to each person involved, or the parent with the child if preferred, in advance of the circle, to explain what to expect and prepare them for the process. This might involve having the officers dress down and not bring weapons into the space, for example.

“Circles can involve support people, which in this case could include friends or relatives of the family and possibly a police chief or equivalent.  There could also be a community resource person and-or counselor, if needed.

“Once everyone had been prepared and agreed upon a time and location, the trained circle keeper would likely help the group come up with community agreements that ensured respect and safety for all involved.

“There would be a meaningful talking piece passed around that enabled only the person holding it to speak, uninterrupted.

“Each person would discuss the experience and the impact on them. Other rounds could include what each person needs to heal from the situation and what they would be willing to do to improve the situation,” Fishler says.

This process often has the potential to help the offending party or perceived offending party learn and come to understand the impact, intentional or not, on the other person or people.

“When people begin to understand and humanize each other, they are often in a better frame of mind to acknowledge and take responsibility for their mistakes and to accept apologies from others,” Fishler says.

She is quick to point out however that the restorative circle interaction doesn’t heal all wounds.

“This process does not erase the traumatic experience, but it often allows the parties to not be re-triggered by related events,” Fishler says, adding, “It can allow them to process the experience in a better way and lead to healing. Connection with others and the opportunity to be heard and validated for our feelings, help us to heal and move forward with our lives.”

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