Questions, a Mindset and Skills to Becoming an Effective, Respected Conversationalist
Tavis Smiley
Tavis Smiley’s decades of work and professional development in radio, television and podcasting have resulted in him becoming one of the most skilled, interesting communicators in the talk show business.
Working now on The Tavis Smiley Podcast at KBLA 1580 Talk Radio, he has deep-and-wide conversations with thought leaders, opinion makers, celebrities, authors and artists. In addition he is a bestselling author and has been honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Smiley has excelled with a particular, conscious philosophy about what makes for interesting, revealing talk and commitment to skill building. He helps his guests feel sufficiently comfortable and trusting, so they open up and go nearly anywhere in a discussion, and communication easily flows.
He talks today about it works.
“It’s all about generous listening,” Smiley stresses. “The more charitably you listen, the better the conversation, and for me,” he makes sure to address, “it’s a conversation, not an interview.”
Smiley explains his reasoning for that distinction. “I do not have blue cards with questions typed out like most hosts. In this scenario, the temptation is to ask questions in the order they appear on the blue cards, ignoring what the guest is telling you in real time. Again, generous listening.”
The reality, he concludes, is that something vitally important to the best discussions can get lost with the traditional note-card-driven talk show interaction.
“It’s hard to make eye contact when your face is buried in blue cards.”
If this is what a host is doing, it’s a lost opportunity and error in process. What is more effective is showing people with action something that is wanted and important to their emotions and psychology.
“Let the guest know that this conversation matters to you,” Smiley advises. “If you listen to the guest, they will always tell you where to go next; how to curate the conversation.”
The false assumption, he says, is that a host or moderator is responsible for directing the exchange. “If you think you’re leading the conversation, you’re doing it all wrong,” he flatly states, countering with a smarter, maybe counterintuitive approach, “Listen, not lead.”
The objective for Smiley heading into a communication exchange is to, “always tap into their humanity.” And for the audience, he keeps in mind his commitment to, “create a conversation in which they can situate their own humanity.
“The guest needs to have what I call a ‘usable intellect,’ What does the audience gain from a conversation to which they cannot relate or in which they cannot situate their own humanity,” Smiley rhetorically asks.
He says he is operating at the highest levels of his craft when he is succeeding in specific efforts. “I’m trying to curate a conversation that challenges the audience to reexamine the assumptions they hold,” he says. “I want to help them expand their inventory of ideas.”
In Smiley’s professional opinion, what makes for a great conversationalist is what he has previously mentioned above in this article, “plus three things — curiosity, purpose and empathy.”
Over the course of his career, he has come to be confident in conclusions that he can discern which newer talk show hosts have the potential to succeed and which ones instead have a high probability for not making it.
“Being a great conversationalist starts with being a genuinely curious person,” he says. “God gave us one mouth but two ears. I figure there is a good reason for that. As interlocutor, are you sincerely interested in hearing what the other person has to say? Do you really care? Do you think you have a monopoly on the truth? Are you open to seeing the world through a different prism?”
Smiley proposes additional introspective questions for communicators to ask themselves and think deeply and honestly about before responding.
“And moreover, why are you pursuing this (particular) conversation, or profession, in the first place? Is this just another project to extend or grow your brand? Is this merely a means to an end? What is your true purpose?”
He closes out our conversation by coming back to the importance of humanity, self examination and clarity when seeking someone’s time, attention and privileged access to their mind.
“Are you an empathetic individual?
“Generally, what informs and animates great conversation,” he insists, “is a true curiosity and genuine empathy for the life journey of the person you’re interrogating.”
