Responding to Mistreatment at Work

The workplace is not always a place of professionalism and humanity. Misbehavior occurs and can go on unaddressed for long periods of time.

HR may not be able to do all that needs to be done and in some situations, employees claim, HR won’t do so.

There are critics who will argue, maybe credibly, that not all behavior an employee labels as mistreatment, bullying or abuse meets the culturally-accepted definition of those words. That is a reasonable argument. So is the one that legitimate mistreatment is not labeled such by decision makers.

For some employees, eventually, they reach a breaking point and resign. Others mimic the destructive behavior themselves. A few might decide assertiveness, not aggressiveness, is the smarter response.

“Then one day, I was like, ‘It stops today!’ I just kept saying to them, ‘It stops. It stops,’” a person was recently quoted as saying in an article.

Organizations and the leaders within them have the ability to take the air out of damaging behavior, build trust and increase loyalty if they responsibly address the problematic actions and avoid playing the optics game.

Laura Crawshaw

“Anti-bullying legislation won’t stop it. Company civility policies won’t stop it. Bystanders can’t stop it. Human resource personnel don’t have the authority to stop it,” says Laura Crawshaw, president at The Executive Insight Development Group, founder and president at The Boss Whispering Institute and author of, Grow Your Spine & Manage Abrasive Leadership Behavior: A Guide for Those Who Manage Bosses Who Bully.

“Who can stop workplace bullying,” she rhetorically asks, answering, “Only those who have authority over the bullying individual can stop it,” offering her advisory solution, “Courageous management intervention paired with psychological insight, otherwise known as management backbone.”

Jessica Sweet

An additional viewpoint comes from a professional who helps employees in these pained workplace experiences

“I’ve seen many cases of mistreatment at work, though to be fair, because I am hired by the employee and not the company most often, that is the only side of the story I am hearing,” says Jessica Sweet, a coach and therapist at Wishingwell Coaching, who has worked with midlife leaders for approximately 15 years. “I would say that sadly, in many cases, there isn’t a lot that can be done about mistreatment at work.”

She describes more specifically what her work has discovered about the why behind the lack of corrective measures.

“Most, if not all of the incidents I have seen through clients have been situations with toxic managers who were abusive toward a single person or in some cases, entire teams, or teams with a few exceptions of their favorites,” Sweet says. “The company protected these managers because they were good in terms of execution. The employee did not have recourse, or did not feel they had recourse and (they) did not want to pursue the situation.”

Hopelessness doesn’t have to become the affected person or person’s reality.

“If a company takes a stand against this kind of behavior and truly enforces it, then I believe something could be done,” Sweet says, “but unfortunately the employees I have spoken to do not believe their company would do what it would take.”

The resulting conclusion those employees have come to believe is that, “They feel like they'd be standing up to a Goliath and don’t want to put themselves through that for the most part,” Sweet says.

Asking oneself certain questions can be helpful to determine a wise, helpful course of response.

“Under certain circumstances,” Sweet advises, “it does make sense to confront the situation, especially if it seems likely that it might change.

“If this is the case, you should ask yourself…

1. Can I have a conversation with this person? If so, what are the likely repercussions? What can I do to ensure the best possible outcome? Who else should be in the room? How can I document it?

2. If I can’t have a conversation with the person, is there anyone else that I might talk to — their boss (maybe) that might impact the situation?

3. Are there other people who are experiencing the same thing I am who could support me as I fight against this and join with me?,” Sweet suggests.

When an employee or group come to believe that they cannot risk communicating about the mistreatment, Sweet offers a reminder.

“If you’re not able to deal with the situation head on to make it better but (can) only endure the job, then remember Viktor Frankl said people are, ‘capable of resisting and braving even the worst conditions.’ By finding alternative meaning in their lives outside of work, they may better endure the difficult situation they feel trapped in,” Sweet says.

For employers, it’s critically important to remember that showing indifference towards what is unprofessional and likely, egregious conduct or rejecting the responsibility altogether to ensure professionalism in the workplace is a decision and choice not without costs.

“They can inflict deep wounds and intense suffering on employees, who find themselves unwillingly relegated to the ranks of the working wounded,” Crawshaw says.

“Managing abrasive leadership behavior is no easy task and doing it ineptly or failing to do it all together can have disastrous consequences for an organization and the employees who work to fulfill the mission,” she says.