What to Avoid When Needing an Apology to Succeed

Phillip Arceneaux, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of Strategic Communication
at Miami (OH) University

Communication Intelligence just published a piece on when apologies don’t work. After that publishing, an interesting conversation happened about the topic that earned this feature and space in the magazine.

Phillip Arceneaux, Ph.D., is an assistant professor of Strategic Communication at Miami (OH) University and he talks about what is going on when our apology communication is judged by others as not being up to snuff. This Q&A feature only includes what hasn’t yet been covered in the first article published at the link in the first paragraph above.

From expertise, objective observation and professional experiences, what commonalities, if any, are there with apologies that don't land well? 

• The apology needs to assume responsibility — the “comma, but” rule doesn't not apply here. You can't say we apologize, but this wasn't really our fault, or we're victims too.

  If the leader, colleague, or company shares any part of the fault, they need to own it and take responsibility.

• The apology needs to come from the perpetrator — and higher up the institutional structure is better. Don't send low level employees to apologize for things executives did or said.

  Again, this comes down to ownership and responsibility. Or if it was a problem at the top, don't fire or reprimand some B-level executive as the scapegoat. 

• The strongest apologies offer some practical and achievable course of action for how the wrong will be fixed so that it doesn't happen again or (addresses) how the wronged parties can be compensated.

  “We apologize, and to make sure this doesn't happen again we'll be making changes X, Y, and Z” — or “you'll receive your money back with these benefits.”
  
  When is it a sure sign that an apology is quickly going off the rails or has already failed?

• Legal and HR are important but if you wait too long to issue an apology while consulting them you may have already lost your opportunity to buy your way out of the crisis.

  Apologies should be timely, authentic, organic, and assume ownership. 

• There should be no cognitive dissonance between what people hear and see surrounding your apology.

  If you say you'll do X, Y, and Z to correct a problem, do it and do it quickly and proactively. Don't say in the apology that the crisis has deeply impacted you, then be seen going on vacation, play golf, etc. Your actions and demeanor have to align with the intent of the apology. 
  
  Why do we communicate poor apologies in the first place? We have to know it's not going to improve the situation and will often further escalate negativity. 

• Like any 5 year old, we often say we're sorry because we're supposed to and/or expected to by some kind of authority figure, not necessarily because we are actually sorry.

  Apologies have to be authentic. Remorse for wrongdoing and a genuine desire to correct behavior moving forward are essential to the fundamental effectiveness of an apology. Inauthentic apologies will work once, maybe twice. But if you do them too often people can see the pattern and know they are meaningless. 
  
  When you are not involved in an apology situation but emotionally care about a dispute or conflict situation, what are you looking for a leader, colleague or organization to say to trust in the person giving the apology and maybe extend forgiveness?

• A leader needs to take ownership and responsibility, even if he/she is not the one who committed some wrongdoing, they have a role in the existing environment and culture, and they have a fundamental role in managing the crisis to make the organization better moving forward.

  Proactive, authentic, and caring and supportive involvement by some kind of a leader, colleague, or organization will help to rebuild or repair trust between the parties. 
  
  Bonus question: can you talk about a professional situation where you have extended an apology and later realized you erred in your thinking -- how you communicated regret and remorse -- and how you feel about that exchange today looking back and what you learned.

• No personal anecdote here. But the recent Southwest Airlines is a good case for when apologies fail. “To rebuild confidence, Southwest’s management needs to go beyond apologies, take responsibility for the chaos and disruption, and articulate in the clearest terms possible what it’s doing to get back to normal operations. The message needs to be ‘we messed up, here’s what we’re doing to fix it, and this is what you can expect over the next few days.’ Only then can it hope to restore confidence and retain its customers,”

• A PR News article on the Southwest crisis: https://prnewsonline.com/southwest-crisis-recovery-trust/