Rephrasing Blunt Language

Laurie Brown is a customer service and presentation skills expert at Laurie Brown Communications.

Communication is a conduit to achievement or an impediment to it. It can go sideways and off the rails in a multitude of ways, one of them being when it is sharp edged.

“Rephrasing Blunt Language” is a continually important leadership topic that Laurie Brown, a customer service and presentation skills expert at Laurie Brown Communications, teaches.

She suggests beginning by seeking clarity and understanding.

“Let’s start by defining what blunt language is,” says Brown. “It can be anything from saying something directly, to using words or negative phrases without thinking of the impact.

“Sometimes it can be how something is said. Tone of voice and facial expression can present as ‘blunt,’ even when that is not the intent.”

The first reaction problem, she says, is interpretation.

“The biggest issue with blunt language is how it might be received. If received badly, it can destroy trust, upset customers and damage working and personal relationships.

“It can be received as rude, curt, angry, unhelpful or just unfriendly, and may work against accomplishing your goal,” Brown contends.

Where this type of communication is more prevalent and possibly causing the biggest problems, she says, is through the written word.

“Blunt language is most problematic when sent in writing. When we read an email or text, it’s not hard to misinterpret, or add a tone that may not be there,” Brown says. “Sometimes we can sound blunt without meaning to.”

We might not even realize our habits lead to us communicating in this manner because, Brown asserts, “our communication styles can influence how we communicate.”

She explains how this can look.

“For instance, if I am a fast processor, I might send a brief message that is complete and lacking nuance in response to a long email. If the email response is simply ‘Fine,’ it could be interpreted as sarcastic or even angry, even if that was not what I intended.”

It’s important to remember the truth about communication, even if it’s a bothersome reality for some people

“When reading, meaning is entirely in the reader's mind, not the sender's,” Brown says.

Most people and organizations believe, maybe inaccurately without credible evidence, that their communication is respectful, skilled and effective. They don’t know however what they don’t recognize. This creates problems they aren’t seeing. Or they possibly, dangerously, deny them.

“When we communicate with others, whether they are colleagues, clients, customers, friends or family, our language can make or break our relationships,” Brown says, plainly stating, “How we communicate with others is the lifeblood of all relationships, both personal and professional. Bluntness can work against these interests.”

Yet maybe not as we might assume.

“Blunt language is not in and of itself problematic,” she says, because “Some people have no issue with blunt language. However, we are often unaware of how our language is being received. Even if we are simply a plain-spoken person who says it like it is and we mean no harm, we can still create ill will.”

Brown’s professional recommendation as a protective action is simple.

“With that in mind, if we make a conscious effort to use positive language, people-focused language, it will be less likely to be misinterpreted,” she says.

As for the ‘how,’ thinking about the desired outcome can provide a useful roadmap.

“First, think about what outcome you'd like to accomplish,” Brown says. “Then think about whom you are talking to. How are they likely to receive your message?”

“No.” That word. The meaning it can convey. The emotional reaction. It’s important to consider.

“Let’s take a common word we use all the time, ‘No!’ Nobody likes to hear it,” Brown says, “yet we say it all the time. Whenever we say ‘No,’ to a request, the other person most likely thinks, ‘why?’”

That question, whether verbalized, written or out there as unspoken tension, is not usually welcomed. It can come across as dismissiveness or defensiveness. What a person is feeling in this moment is less important than the new task in front of them

“This often unspoken question needs to be answered,” Brown advises.

There is a strategy for approaching this responsibility.

“Before responding,” Brown says, “I suggest putting the request through this filter: ‘Is what they were asking for illegal, immoral, unethical, unsafe, or impossible?’”

This is a helpful question to ask ourselves because if we think patiently and thoughtfully, good can come as a result.

“If it is any of those reasons, that could be your answer to the question, ‘why?’” Brown says. “For instance, you might respond, ‘I know you would like us to do XYZ, but we cannot because that would be illegal.’ You may not give the person what they want, but you can at least let them know why.”

On the other hand, she says, “If what they asked for is not illegal, immoral, unethical, unsafe or impossible, you might respond with what you can do. It might not completely solve the issue, but it shows you are trying.”

The emotional component of communication, the people-focused approach that Brown stresses as vitally important, helps us too.

“Even rephrasing common phrases can help the person you’re speaking to receive them more positively.

“Here’s an example: you can replace ‘it's required,’ with ‘to accomplish this, we need to have….’ Again, explaining the ‘why,’ helps the other person hear it in a more positive light,” she says. “Think about how often you may say things like ‘as I said,’ or ‘our policy states,’ or ‘do you understand?’ If you do, think about how to restate them so they are perceived as people-friendly.”

Summarizing the takeaway, it’s the consideration for people to feel heard and choosing to explain less authoritatively and more humanely.

“Being people-friendly means explaining the ‘why’ behind your statement, sounding warm, and using inclusive language,” Brown says.