Communicating Recklessly as Habit

Sara Harvey, founder at innertelligence

Sometimes people — ourselves or others — might think of a person, they “can’t keep their mouth shut” and “it’s getting them in trouble.”

This week, an article was published where the writer quoted a source saying just that about a very well-known person.

This piece is focused on anyone who brings elevated or extreme risk and misery into their lives because they won’t stop thinking incorrectly and giving into unwise impulses and communicating boorishly.

Sara Harvey, the founder of innertelligence, a leadership coaching company, briefly discusses this topic with Communication Intelligence.

She talks about what people are missing about who they are showing themselves to be or are at least judged as being when they act in the above-mentioned manner.

“This type of individual is playing out one of a few control dramas — the need to be right, the need to be in control or the need for external validation,” Harvey says. “They are driven by their ego and guided by unfavorable childhood memories, deeply-held yet unhealthy beliefs, protection patterns, fear of failure and a fragile sense of self-worth or basic identity.”

The trigger behind it is clear, despite common assumption to the contrary.

“Ultimately, fear is their motivator,” Harvey says. “Although their external mask would have them appear confident and influential, they are, at their core, deeply afraid of being ‘outed’ or discovered as a fake, a phony or a fraud and will do or say almost anything to ensure their vulnerabilities are not revealed.”

This behavior has provided benefits, real or perceived, so it has become an ongoing habit under stress. A question worth asking is whether or not people who present themselves this way could learn to think and do differently and better, if they committed to it and sought assistance to reduce the frequency of such behavior and replace it with self-control and smarter, healthier communication conduct.

“I find practices like intensive breathwork, multi-day silent retreats, spending extensive time in nature, prayer and meditation can help draw people inward to reconnect with their soul which can help put the ego back in check,” Harvey says. “Helping them shift their mindset from one of serving self to serving others can be a catalyst for better choice-making.”

She talks about some ideas that may prove to be helpful in this attempted shifting of the attention.

“It may help if they volunteer their time in underserved communities or crisis situations to help move them out of their ego — personal pity party — and into a place of appreciation and meaningful contribution.”

This can be useful in helping someone view life in a bigger way.

“This can be an opportunity to see the world and themselves through a different lens,” Harvey says. “Additionally, it’s valuable to understand how thoughts generate feelings, which lead to actions, habits and results. This is the reason for the adage, ‘What you think, you become.’ When we unwind our conditioned thoughts, we make room for a new way to be.”