Examining, ‘I Should Have Been Smarter’
Alexandra Kharazi
The introspection and self awareness to come to a sobering conclusion about ourselves, “I should have been smarter,” and exhibit the courage and character to publicly express it, doesn’t happen often, which is why it’s worth discussing in this magazine.
This article was inspired by a comment in a book about someone who was near at the top of his field for decades. He was not always a humble person. Yet here he was communicating in print, for the ages, that he could have been and should have been smarter in his thinking and decision making.
“This is a great quote to discuss,” says Alexandra Kharazi, MD, and a cardiothoracic surgeon, CEO and founder of Heart of Motivation Consulting and the author of the book, “The Heart of Fear.”
Most people are normally reluctant to admit error, particularly in their area of expertise. This is not only because of what they feel or know others will think but also because the introspection required to acknowledge the mistake is uncomfortable.
That deep reflection requires a person to face the error, which can point to what they may possibly interpret as a personal shortcoming. This is how we can come to identify with the error. In essence, we become the error and no one wants to feel poorly about themselves.
“I can attest it’s personally and professionally challenging to admit fault,” Kharazi says, adding, “That’s the uncomfortable part of leadership: Accountability.”
It’s helpful and a show of professional and personal maturity.
“Singularly or as part of a team approach,” Kharazi states, “we can all examine our actions: How could we have done things differently and gotten a better outcome?”
Getting comfortable with this self review can be made easier if a person, group or organization can come to realize, “Human error is inevitable,” Kharazi says.
That provides a healthy starting point to pause, think with humility, see the reality and be truthful with oneself.
“The first step to overcoming your flaws is recognizing what they are,” Kharazi says. “This is a process I call, ‘extracting the benefit from error.’”
The reframing can prove valuable to one’s professional and personal development, the emotions they experience and how they are viewed and judged by others.
“Instead of viewing errors as failures,” Kharazi says, “we can view them as opportunities for growth.”
Going back to one’s ability and power to decide and express to oneself and to others “I should have been smarter,” is a sign that, “The willingness to extract the benefit from error,” is present, she points out.
What doesn’t work well is remaining silent or becoming angry and arrogant, which allows for criticism to emerge or dominate.
“Blame makes people defensive, whereas openly examining our errors from a systems standpoint, focusing on just the circumstances, causes a ripple that makes others do the same,” Kharazi says.
The smarter, more secure person realizes that, “Recognizing and owning our mistakes is a sign of strength, not weakness,” she adds. Not only that, the modeling of this type of maturity, humility and honesty is “what causes a culture change; We start with ourselves,” Kharazi states.
A question, she suggests, could bring clarity.
“Can we become our best version by acknowledging our mistakes, owning them, and working to transcend our ego?” Kharazi rhetorically asks.
“It’s not always easy to admit we’re wrong, but it’s essential for growth and progress.”
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