‘I Will Not…Hide…or Run’
‘I Will Not Try to Hide My Mistake or Run From It’
That mindset requires a sense of responsibility, courage, commitment and the ability to manage one’s emotional state of possible discomfort or fear. If accomplished, a more helpful and respected outcome is available.
Communicating this way with ourselves and others can be made simpler by remembering one inarguable truism.
Chris Murdock
“Acknowledging your mistakes, learning from them and welcoming help and feedback means that you’re human. It means that you’re fallible” says Chris Murdock, co-founder and chief sourcing officer of the recruiting firm, IQTalent. “It means that you’re comfortable in showing that you can be vulnerable. Today, this is a rare trait that more people need to learn.”
There are not-so-obvious benefits that people might also value.
“When someone owns their mistake, whether it’s a big, corporate CEO or a loved one taking responsibility for letting you down, it’s not only evidence of their humility but also their courage, which are both attractive qualities,” says Laura Doyle, a relationship coach and New York Times
bestselling author. “I find it connecting and even endearing that they own their mistake because I see how they are just like me: A mere mortal.”
It’s not always easy however because of the fear of the unknown.
“Admitting a human failing is always scary,” Doyle adds, “because it could mean that I lose status in the tribe and I don’t want to lose status.”
It’s a reality she too has experienced and learned.
“As a relationship expert, I still dread admitting that I picked a fight with my husband or said something horrible to him. That doesn’t seem good for my image or brand,” Doyle says. “But surprisingly, it is good for my image and brand because those embarrassing stories resonate with other women who may have just done the same thing. They know I won’t judge them because I just came clean myself.”
Laura Doyle
To ensure she is more responsible towards others and herself, Doyle has created a figurative guardrail.
“I have a policy that when I have a breakdown in my marriage I tell on myself by sharing the story with my students. Every time I do, I get rewarded with deep connection and intimacy with those students. That policy gives me accountability for my bad moods, controlling behavior and snippy retorts. This has made me feel empowered.”
Developing to the point of being able to think and respond in a manner that doesn’t hide and doesn’t run is coming to realize that appearances and judgment can be deceiving.
Mellissa Tong
“The first step is knowing that vulnerability doesn’t equal weakness,” says Mellissa Tong, a TV newscaster turned storyteller and now the founder and CCO at DuckPunk Productions, Inc., a creative marketing and content production company.
“Being able to show that we are all humans and we all make mistakes, as long as we can own up to it, will not only help us relate better to others, but also make us a better leader, in both our professional and personal lives,” she says.
Becoming stronger, courageous and responsible and moving away from an impulse to hide mistakes and run from discomfort or fear of accountability to work through the error is complicated, Murdock says.
“Not all the time do you even know when you’ve made a mistake,” he points out. “By enabling your team to call you out when you’ve made a mistake, it creates an open and honest dialogue that will lead to fixing the mistake and getting on the path to not recreating the mistake.”
This recommendation might seem overwhelming yet Murdock says it doesn’t have to feel that way. It’s a matter of attitude and professionalism.
“Accountability should never be feared. It should be welcomed with grace and understanding,” he says. “My daughter brought home a picture book called ‘Everybody Makes Mistakes’ that validated my personal belief that mistakes should be learned from, not feared.”
Doyle thinks back to when she learned a memorable lesson — a positive one — about courage and accountability.
“I’m lucky to have had a powerful experience with being accountable when I was in college. I had bounced five checks and I was feeling stressed about not being able to repay them,” she says. “I got the advice to take the initiative to communicate my intention to repay those people the money I owed and make a small repayment toward the debt instead of trying to hide from them as I had been.
“I was terrified to do this because I thought the creditors would take my head off for being so irresponsible,” she says.
A surprise was in store for her.
“When I spoke to the first creditor, he was polite and grateful. That’s when I realized there was nothing the creditors could argue with me about because I was already admitting my mistake and owning my debt,” Doyle says. “That experience hooked me to the power of being accountable.”
That impression was powerful enough that she implemented it into her life.
“I got the idea to start sharing other kinds of mistakes with friends where I felt entirely emotionally safe. Eventually, I wrote a book of those embarrassing stories that became a New York Times bestseller,” Doyle says.
Repetition leads to habit which leads to strength.
“The more you’re accountable the stronger your courage muscles get and the greater your confidence,” Doyle says.
“It all starts with owning just one mistake, sharing it with someone else and making amends with your actions.”
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