Favorite Recommendations from Experience for Challenging Negotiations

Negotiations can get difficult. Frustratingly so. Negotiations can be unique despite similar threads that can run through them. Knowing what the moment requires and being able to be flexible is important.

This article briefly talks about helpful approaches for uphill negotiations.

“It can’t just be about winning,” says Max Ade, CEO and co-founder at Pickleheads, a digital home for that sports players.

“One of the most common reasons why negotiations can stall out is when one or both of the parties are trying to use hard negotiating tactics against each other,” he says. “Many people read articles about how to close deals and think that these take-it-or-leave-it approaches will get them results.”

That approach is broken and shortsighted, Ade warns.

“The problem is that these tactics conflict with one another when both sides are using them,” he states.

Far better, he concludes, to focus on collaboration for mutual satisfaction than zero-sum, all-or-nothing thinking.

“If you want to resolve a negotiation that's stuck in the mud, you need both sides to approach it with a sincere interest in resolving the issue,” Ade recommends. “It can't just be about winning.”

If a person or group of them does insist on that approach, there is a response that can slow the aggression.

“If the other party has unrealistic expectations, saying no is okay,” says Shaunak Amin, CEO and co-founder of SwagMagic, a corporate platform that allows organizations to create their own branded swag store or send kits anywhere in the world. “This is why identifying what’s most important to you and how you're willing to compromise is essential before entering any negotiations.”

A message — communication — gets conveyed when “no” is sent. It may not necessarily be the end of the negotiation, which is important to remember, but it is a signal to slow down or pause and get creative.

“Being willing to walk away from a deal,” Amin says, “can indicate that you’re not stretched thin. While most people prefer avoiding conflict during negotiations, showing where your boundaries lie can be helpful in structuring a sound deal.” 

It’s important to remember no deal doesn’t mean no choice.

“If negotiations fail and an agreement that works for everyone involved can’t be reached,” Amin says, “sticking to your BATNA— Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement — has you at least acting in your best interests.”

Louisa Whitney is a family mediator at LKW Family Mediation, who has worked for over 20 years with couples who have decided to separate from their relationship. She’s observed and learned a lot.

“I have put together what I call the 4 Cs, which are the fundamental pillars of effective communication,” she says. “They are Calm, Constructive, Conscious and Compassionate.”

Poise is not only advantageous but necessary for reasoning.

“Calm is important because if you're feeling triggered then it’s difficult to have effective conversations about difficult issues,” Whitney says.

Being intelligent about the choice of communication has to be conscious decision making if success is the objective in negotiation.

“Constructive is about using language that brings people together rather than pushes them apart,” Whitney says. “I strongly believe people underestimate how important language is in difficult conversations.”

Small differences get interpreted is significantly different ways, she insists.

“A really simple example is where someone in a separating couples says my children or our children. It can change the whole mood and how the conversation pans out,” Whitney says.

“Using I-language can also be important,” she adds. “When we start questions with ‘why’ it can lend itself to the other person feeling they have to justify themselves. Starting with ‘I wonder’ or ‘I'd like to understand’ is softer and can encourage a more open reaction instead of a defensive one.”

Being driven by reactivity might be natural while negotiating yet it is not high-level performance.

“Conscious is about setting an intention for how you want the conversation to play out,” Whitney says. “‘What are you trying to achieve?’ Coming back to that can be really helpful if the conversation takes a tense turn.” It’s not weakness to extend curiosity and seek understanding.

It also might prove helpful to creating insight, progress and beneficial agreement.

“Compassionate is really about understanding that the other person may have a different viewpoint to you and whilst you might think this is wrong you treat their views as valid for them,” Whitney says.