Learning From Ten Thousand Conversations

Rob Lawless has made the time to seek out nearly five thousand people to talk to one-on-one for one hour.

Rob Lawless really enjoys people and communication, to the extreme some might speculate. It’s rewarding and exciting to him and also a mission with a larger purpose.

Lawless has met with over 4,700 people from over 85 countries over the past six years with the ultimate objective being to spend one hour in one-on-one conversations with ten thousand people.

The ‘why,’ he says, is to bring attention to what he calls “intentional human connection,” believing that “if people treated human connection as an experience rather than a transaction then we'd have a lot more empathy in the world.”

A deeper ‘why’ being, “I should begin by saying that I believe every human interaction, no matter how brief, holds the potential to change your life.”

This wasn’t and isn’t Lawless stepping out of his comfort zone. It’s a case of him developing a vision, seeing how big an impact he might be able to create in the world and amplifying his passion for adventure, with people more so than places.

“A lifelong extrovert, I was excited to get to high school and college since there'd be more people to meet, and therefore chose to attend Penn State with an undergrad population of 40,000 students,” Lawless says. “While working towards my Finance degree, I got involved with everything from the Penn State Dance Marathon to Greek life to Habitat for Humanity to Lion Ambassadors, a student org which gave tours to prospective students. I enjoyed creating genuine connections with my classmates, and noticed after graduating that this felt like a difficult task in the real world.”

He then followed a common path into business and quickly learned something about how that early career move didn’t align well at all with his personality.

“Shortly into my time at Deloitte Consulting, I knew I wasn't cut out for forty-plus years of PowerPoint slides, Excel sheets and life in a cubicle. Instead, I wanted my life to be an adventure that entailed treating human connection as an experience rather than a transaction,” he says. “I have an endless curiosity about the potential of human connection so I set out to see what would come of meeting 10,000 people, one-on-one, for one hour each.”

The conversations he’s had has made him an advocate for more selfless reaching out, communicating, listening and learning.

“I hope to encourage other people to think about intentional human connection and to understand that everyone around them is living a life as vivid and complex as their own — as captured in the word, ‘sonder.’”

Years into the commitment, there have certainly been personal challenges and hardships along the way.

“It has certainly been challenging to continue the project over six years, especially given the fact that I've been doing it full-time since July of 2016,” Lawless says. “Eight months after I started my project, the company I worked for — I had previously left Deloitte for a tech startup — was bought out and I was laid off. Since then, I've crashed with friends in LA for one-and-a-half years and (in) Hoboken for 9 months, and have moved back in with my parents several times.

Through the perseverance and growth of the project, there has also been unexpected curiosity and support developing.

“As my project has grown, though, I've been covered by press sources like The Kelly Clarkson Show and the TODAY Show,” Lawless says, “allowing me to collaborate with brands like WeWork and Coca-Cola's Peace Tea.”

That has created the impetus for cash flow, he says, “Nowadays, I support myself mainly through public speaking engagements and have shared my insights at places like Amazon and Pepperdine University.”

Lawless says through the difficulty has also come revelations that he values.

“Funny enough, it was within this challenge that I discovered the greatest rewards of my project. While I largely wasn't bringing in money, every day I was increasing my senses of gratitude and empathy. I've become keenly aware of the gifts in my life — friends, a loving family, a college degree, a stable upbringing — by appreciating the paths of others who've experienced such situations as mass shootings, progressive diseases, losses of loved ones, etc.,” he says, adding, “I'm surprised at the resiliency of the human race and am constantly reminded of the importance of keeping life in perspective.”

Lessons learned have led to new insights and more educated beliefs, often happens due to adventures and the difficulties that are presented in them.

“I've had complete shifts in perspective. Understanding what it's like to be a college student who's an only child and has already lost both parents is one that's had a big impact on my life. Learning about what it's like to be from a country like Syria where your passport gives you visa free access to less than 30 countries is another.

“We are all products of our life experiences and the environments surrounding them. So to really understand a person's life requires thinking of their path with depth; something you can achieve by asking them questions within the family, occupation, recreation and dreams: F.O.R.D. categories. I've learned that every single person's life can be boiled down to those four FORD categories, but also that everyone has insecurities and uncertainties. We're all just doing the best we can with the resources we have,” Lawless says.

The small pleasures have been there too.

“I could write a book — maybe I will someday— and would still need more space to share. I think of it almost as a scale. On the one hand, I've learned simple things like new music or books. The song, "Suzanna," by Sauti Sol and the book, "Naked Economics," by Charles Wheelan are a couple of examples that come to mind,” Lawless says.

He thinks back on how he and his bold mission have been received and he’s noticed how initial unflattering perceptions later turned into more trusting, welcoming, door-opening positives.

“In the early days, some people thought I was running a multi-level marketing scheme, but to their surprise I wanted nothing other than to spend an hour with them,” Lawless says. “When they realized this, they started to recommend friends and pass me along to other people. I have a lot of respect for the first 8 people who agreed to meet me because I didn't start my Instagram account — @robs10kfriends — until after then. I still documented each person, but just didn't post their stories until I felt like I was committed to the project.”

Lawless has received feedback that revealed concerns, disappointment, discouragement and at the same time, relief and happiness.

“Many people agreed that it felt difficult to meet new people in the real world, and they enjoyed being able to talk to a perfect stranger. My project grew through word-of-mouth on Instagram, and eventually through press, podcasts and other social media platforms as well. Within the last one-and-a-half years alone, I've had over 2,000 people reach out to me to meet because of two specific TikTok videos I posted.”

His pursuits led to interesting initial questions being asked of him yet follow-up questions that showed enthusiasm and the desire for belonging.

“The chatter around my project started with local questions like ‘Why are you doing that? What's the point of meeting people?’ and has since turned into international statements like "This is so inspiring! How can I be one of your 10k friends?" I believe this is a result of people starting to appreciate my commitment to the goal as having met over 4,700 people is a lot more impressive than when I'd only met 47,” Lawless says.

The overall experience has led to additional deeper thinking and conclusions about our shared humanity and existence have emerged.

“This experience has confirmed my belief that every human interaction holds the potential to change your life. I believe all of us are constantly impacted by the people around us, but we never really take the time to reflect on it,” he says. “Think about why you studied what you studied or where you went to school or how you met your significant other. Oftentimes, these stories involve another character who helped inspire you in some type of way. Now, I'm just being more intentional, observant and open to the impact of others in my life.”

Lawless’ introspection has made him realize how he’s been impacted himself by reaching out to connect with others.

“My project has definitely changed my life in ways too. It's helped me understand how wide the spectrum of life paths is as I've met people whose stories involve experiences I never could've imagined, like getting run over by a boat and having your legs sucked up into the engines only to be given a 15% chance of living. My friend, Chris — number 1300 (in the project) — survived this situation,” he marvels.

Lawless has developed a greater level of self awareness and humility and discovered what he can do to overcome one’s natural ignorance.

“I've also learned that my perception of the world is incredibly limited, that I don't know what I don't know, but that I have the power to change this through intentional connection. If we are given one ticket on this ride called life, I can't think of a better way to spend it than exposing myself to as many different perspectives as possible, and in turn feeling a greater connection to humanity.”