Trust Isn’t a One-Sided Need or Expectation

Dawn Cone, Ph.D., Management Consultant and Executive Coach and founder of DSC Consulting Solutions, LLC.

Human beings are continually determining if they can trust people. It’s a matter of safety, survival and overall well-being. Most desire to be trusted because it’s a hard go in life not to be and our ego doesn’t like what happens when we’re not granted it. There are some people however who expect trust from others yet don’t care much, if at all, if they are trusted. This seems confounding.

That some see trust as solely a one-sided construct for their benefit and need is a red flag. It communicates loud and clear to other people and that message is not a positive or beneficial one. There is a better way of course to think about it and conduct ourselves in professional relationships.

“We all tend to operate with various biases that cause us to see ourselves more favorably and others less so,” says Dawn Cone, Ph.D. and a management consultant and executive coach and the founder of DSC Consulting Solutions, LLC.

“There are a number of reasons for this. We are seeing the world through our own lens and since we know, and generally like our own intentions and actions, we assume others should know, understand and like them too. Conversely, we often don't know, understand, nor generally like other perspectives or behaviors as well. Therefore, we put the burden on others to be understood or liked by us before we consider them trustworthy.”

Despite this reality, there is encouraging news, Cone asserts.

“Although these are well-documented human tendencies, we don't have to operate in this way if we are intentional about operating in a mutually trustworthy manner,” she says.

Problematic is when we expect and demand from others what we are not willing to reciprocate, especially when it comes to our fellow humans having a similar, core human need. Not everyone feels commitment or responsibility to help other people satisfy such a need. This comes at a price, one that might not be immediately recognized yet the cost accrues and causes difficulty in communication, interactions and exchanges.

“When we feel our very actions are self-explanatory or we are automatically trustworthy, we unknowingly communicate an arrogance or sense of being above the law,” Cone says. This effectively hinders any real opportunity for positive working relationships and kills collaboration between individuals and teams. Leaders that do not prove trustworthy also find it intensely difficult to build high engagement and productivity in their teams.”

The way to be reciprocal and raise the standards and satisfy the mutual craving and need for trust is clear, according to Cone.

“The biggest way that leaders can show they want to prove trustworthy is to take the lead, modeling the behavior they are asking others for,” she says. “At every level of the organization, we show others by acting in integrity — doing what we say we'll do, through being collaborative and being open and honest. Leaders, in particular, should operate with transparency as much as possible.

“Make it a point to communicate frequently, share they ‘why?’ behind important decisions, give space for others to ask questions and check for understanding. These go a long way in letting others know that you value creating a culture of trust.”