Validation and Taming Defensive Impulses
Red diamonds are known as the most expensive and the rarest diamond color in the world. It is Communication Intelligence’s hope that the quotes shared in this section of the magazine will be rare “finds” that will be highly valued.
“As human beings, we want validation and acceptance for who we are. When we receive critical or ‘constructive’ feedback, our automatic, biological reaction is to get defensive. Our amygdala goes into action and our fight-flight-freeze reaction can take over.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“Anyone who wants to be better leader, employee, colleague, partner, friend, or member of society needs to learn to tame our defensive reaction to feedback and instead respond with curiosity and an open mind. A pause and a breath can calm our brains enough to listen to and hear the feedback.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“Why is feedback so essential? Because no matter how self-aware we think we are, we all have blind spots.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“We see the world through our own lenses, based on our own personal experiences. We don't see our own implicit biases. We may have noble intentions, but our intentions don't always align with our impact on others. Our behavior may be harmful or dismissive to those around us, and we may be utterly oblivious to this impact unless we receive feedback.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“The ego takes over when we think we know everything we need to know, or we think of ourselves as superior to others. It also takes over when we are insecure and feel we have to show off our abilities because we're afraid of being revealed as imposters or ‘less than.’”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“If we can think of ourselves as works-in-progress, we (can) take the first step towards humility over ego.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“Get curious about other people's perspectives rather than focusing only on asserting our own by asking, ‘What am I missing?’
“Practice listening to understand, not to rebut or refute someone else's ideas.
“Remind yourself that everyone is human, and just like you, they are beautifully imperfect.
“Share your own mistakes and failures openly with others.
“Find the humor in your own fallibility.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“It’s entirely possible to change our attitudes toward humility and ego by changing our behavior — and it's a virtuous circle. The more we can let go of our need to be right and best, the better our relationships, the more people want to be around us, and the more we will enjoy learning from others.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
“It’s no fun being the know-it-all and no one likes a know-it-all.”
Minette Norman
Minette Norman Consulting
Leadership speaker, consultant and author
