Co-Workers Wanting Unselfish High-Performers to Be More Assertive

There are talented, skilled, productive employees who prefer psychological safety with their coworkers. They value likability, trust and respect. They may excel but they don’t want to do too much and risk offending and alienating with whom they work. If their coworkers would welcome them being a bigger part of success, getting that to happen may not be easy.

Two recent articles detailing this type of situation are the inspiration for this feature. The employees being discussed in those stories were arguably too unselfish, to the detriment of their co-workers and the organization.

The people quoted were not inferring that people should be jerks and self absorbed but instead, assert themselves more with their gifts, skills, productivity and ability, rather than try to fit in.

The people quoted were not saying that the people about which they were talking about were lazy. They were saying they would welcome more excellence from them for greater success.

Armine Pogosyan

“Sell it as an opportunity,” says Armine Pogosyan, IT HR Director at the Dyninno Group of companies. “The manager or a colleague could try to figure out whether there are some unexpected obstacles in the way or whether it’s because one’s character and personality.

“Explain that being assertive can be helpful as the company would reach an objective, and for them, an individual involved in this, it could lead to better and more effective results, personal development, a challenging project or a promotion, depends on what the person is seeking.

“Highlight that aspect, emphasizing that it would be mutually beneficial both for the person and the organization involved.”

Make it easy for them as well, Pogosyan says.

“Yet another important aspect,” she adds, is to, “suggest your help. Assure help, if needed. Make the person understand that you are ready to help removing the obstacles and are ready to give a helping hand.”

Michael Nova

One leader has experience with this type of situation and talked in detail about how he responded. He first mentions how cultures work can be confusing to people, especially if what is happening is contradictory to what is communicated with words.

“The reality of most corporations is one of division and setting people up as competitors. They set each other up against each other on the corporate ladder of success. Publicly, they may say that we want to create a community of people sharing but underneath that is not the reality,” says Michael Nova, CEO at Nova Custom Label Printing and founder and the podcast host at Rise Up Eight.

“We actually had such a situation recently where team member was holding back on sharing their creative ideas because they didn’t want to overshadow other members of the team,” he recalls. “I caught wind of this and had lunch with the team member. I asked her to share some of her ideas and I was actually excited.”

Nova listened to the reasoning behind the employee staying more in the background.

“She explained that she didn’t want to share this previously because she didn’t want to make the other members of the team feel badly,” he says.

This prompted Nova to speak directly to the costs being suffered and the person’s responsibility.

“I explained that it wasn’t serving anyone for her to keep those ideas to herself. Part of being a team member means giving 100% effort towards the common cause. If you are holding back, that hurts the whole team,” he says. “I assured her that asserting herself in the form of sharing her ideas with the team would be beneficial to everyone, and not only that, spark more creativity from all the team members.”

He proposed an idea to help the employee and the organization.

“I suggested that we come together and speak to everyone regarding this issue. We want everyone’s contribution, so by actually encouraging everyone to share more of their ideas and make it more of an open forum, we can all benefit,” Nova says. “I think this will allow everyone in the company to feel more involved and have more fun together. This means creating brainstorming sessions once a week where we can all share creative ideas with each other.”

What is leader or colleague to do however if, after extending supportive, encouraging communication with a high performer, that person remains uncomfortable with giving more of their excellence?

“If the situation is uncomfortable but there is a certain result that has been agreed upon, remind them of the expected result and if the situation is not too personal or sensitive to the people involved, help them focus on the outcome,” Pogosyan recommends.

“If an employee needs a push, remind them of their responsibilities and offer your help. The most important aspect is to know ‘whom to bite, whom to pet,’” she suggests. “Since we work with people, some prefer a very direct approach — being ‘bitten’ — while some need ‘petting’ — continuous reminders, small chit-chats and only then the result can be expected.”

Nova says he experienced this in the situation he told above.

“When I encouraged her creativity, I suggested we spread it to the entire team where everyone can share more. This can change an entire culture of a company for the better, as in our case,” he says. “Explain that a real team needs each member of the team to play a role. Your particular role it is one where you share what you excel in.”

If the discomfort and uncertainty remain, Nova says this may be a call for curiosity.

“You can ask this particular employee which other people in the company they feel they might be overshadowing and then have a talk with them in turn, without mentioning the person’s name in particular to the other people,” Nova suggests.

“They might feel the same way and then you can get two or three people excelling rather than one. In the end, this all boils down to having open communication lines.”