Stopping Our Degrading Communication
Kelly Ferraro
Using degrading language is a prevalent, bad habit and yet one that can be stopped and overcome.
“Degrading language is abhorrent,” says Kelly Ferraro, CEO at River North Communications. “Truly, there is no other way to state this fact. There is almost no time for it, as it actually stifles the points that one is trying to make. We have to ask ourselves, do I want to be known for how I respond erratically for each thing that happens to me?”
Changing beliefs has to come first as a choice before civil communication can become the norm.
“Reputation comes down to a series of momentary decisions that show your ability to respond to situations,” Ferraro says. “If you continuously respond in a tone that is unkind, are you really getting your point across or are you building your reputation as a hothead?”
She recommends a second question to ask when this reactive nature is about to happen. “I find that pausing and asking yourself, ‘is this worth it?’ is a brilliant yet simple technique.”
Ferraro explains the why behind it. “I learned to employ this from a wise person in my life and it has helped me become a better version of myself over the years,” she says. “By pausing, you are showing that you respect yourself and (your) character enough not to fly off the handle and make rash decisions with words,” adding that, “Words can leave a lasting mark.”
Going deeper, she says that more time and thought spent on word choice can lead to more respectable and respected communication.
“To change the way you use your words, my advice is to pause, reflect and think if the words you are thinking about saying define the “you” who you worked hard to build,” Ferraro says.
“If not, walk away or simply say 'I have no response right now, and I choose my words carefully.' It shows that you have a respect for yourself and the other person or persons involved in a discussion.”
Benefits will be there with this approach, she says. “You will not have regrets this way. It is really learning how to exhibit impulse control.”
Making smarter choices when it comes to our beliefs and identity is the door to ending talking in a degrading manner.
“In order to communicate responsibly, you have to be able to put the ego aside and you have to stop being right, especially when you are right,” Ferraro says. “I learned this years ago from a friend whose father was a military officer in Israel. It stuck with me as one of the best pieces of advice I received.”
Conducting forward thinking and respecting your future self is a smart play to communicate more responsibly.
“You must keep your own reputation at the core of any communications,” Ferraro says. “If you can think about that, you will continue to win even if you feel like you lost in a communication. Remember, ego can be dangerous. Do not feed into it. The short-term feeling of I got that person will fade, leaving behind bad feelings long-term.”
