Have Thick Skin and Welcome Feedback

Kathi Kulesza of Kulesza Training & Consulting

NEW SERIES: Fourth of Six Interviews

“The trick to viewing feedback as a gift is to be more worried about having blind spots than hearing about them.”

James Clear
Author of Atomic Habits
Writer and speaker

Kathi Kulesza
Kulesza Training & Consulting LLC

To be the best leader one can be, a person has to master a difficult skill.

“It is important to have a thick skin,” Kathi Kulesza of Kulesza Training & Consulting says. “Leaders are easy targets for judgment and criticism.”

Piggybacking on top of having a thick skin, she adds, “It is also essential that you learn to welcome feedback and criticism,” because, “Without it you are doomed to fail.”

A beneficial goal is to focus on what isn’t naturally easy for us.

“The key is to get good at accepting criticism and learn how to differentiate between legitimate criticism that comes from a sincere desire to help make you a better leader and criticism designed to be hurtful,” Kulesza says.

How this gets accomplished will take work, of course, and likely trial and error.

“Developing humility superior to your ego is challenge for all, or most, humans. It requires a great deal of personal development which is an inside job,” Kulesza says.

She mentions a possible impediment and offers recommendations to increase the probability of success.

“We are often influenced by the people around us. If your closest friends and associates are competitive and create a sense of rivalry you may find it challenging to tame your ego,” she plainly states. “Rather, surround yourself with people who embody humility and learn from their example.

“Practice gratitude for the skills and qualities you possess. When faced with criticism, consider the perspective of the person giving you the feedback. Make an effort to understand how the situation made them feel. Prioritize listening, understanding, and empathizing,” she says.

What might be learned could be helpful now and in the future if what is heard, read or seen is accepted with poise, humility and thoughtful consideration.

“If you discover that they have given you the gift of revealing one of your blind spots, admit and apologize for the mistake and tell them what you will do to correct it in the future,” Kulesza says. “Thank them telling you and for trusting you.”

She recalls a memorable story of an experience involving feedback.

“I was approached during a break by a woman attending one of my seminars,” Kulesza begins. “She asked me if I had cursed while sharing a story with the participants. I was horrified. I was trying a new piece of content and it was intended to be funny, but if feel short.”

What Kulesza intended to convey was different than what was perceived.

“I was sharing the importance of not second guessing ourselves and avoiding saying: ‘I should have done this or I shouldn’t have done that.’ I emphasized that we need to stop ‘shoulding’ all over ourselves.

“Cute, right? No! (The attendee) explained that one of the participants was telling everyone that I had used a bad word that rhymes with ‘shoulding,’ which by the way, was intentional and supposed to be funny, assuming they all heard ‘shoulding,’ not the bad word,” Kulesza says.

The bad news was quickly discovered.

“Come to find out, when I addressed it with the entire class, 50% of the people in the room thought I said the bad word, not ‘shoulding,’” she remembers.

“I am very grateful for the woman and her courage to share my misstep with me,” Kulesza remembers with relief. “If she had not told me, it’s likely I would have continued to use that piece of content in future classes and I would have continued to offend half of the people in my classes.”

The feedback was critical for what it addressed, she says.

“This was not a blind spot; it was a blind blob.”

There is an important lesson to be learned, Kulesza says.

“As a leader it is essential that you are open and welcome feedback and criticism,” she bluntly says. “On the occasions when you learn that you have a blind spot, or blob, take immediate action to right the wrong.”

There is a matter of ignorance sometime in leadership that Kulesza feels is important to learn.

“Leaders must be willing to learn from their followers, be curious, open to new ideas and perspectives, and willing to accept criticism and feedback.”